NCFOM Blog

• My parents used to force me to go to church every Sunday. They hoped that eventually I would "find God" and declare myself a Christian. However, that day never came. Church remained a chore for me: while I loved the songs and the overall life lessons, I could never connect with the messages about God or Jesus. I knew that I believed in a higher power, but my beliefs weren't in tune with those of my church. My parents saw this, and eventually gave up and allowed me to make my own religious decisions. I still believe that God (or any higher power) is protecting me, but being a member of  religion isn't for me, at least for now. 
While this isn't some "spiritual or moral reconciliation", it's as close as I come to relating to Bell's spirituality. When he is talking to Uncle Ellis, Bell reveals that he isn't sure if God is going to come into his life. Throughout the entire book we are led to believe that Bell is a very religious man who has been "saved" by God, but this isn't true. Bell is confused, his spirituality is unstable as a result of a difficult life. Like me, Bell has to figure out what he believes. Both Bell and I are on a religious journey: our experiences and values will determine the outcome. 
Spirituality is not black or white: you are not religious or an Atheist. It's a spectrum between the two. Our purpose is to define our believes and live by those, no matter what they might be. 

• While I have never killed anyone (please, attempt to hide your surprise), stolen 2.4 million dollars, or been a sheriff in Texas, I do share certain personality traits with Bell, Moss, and Chigurh.
Both Bell and I are spiritually confused, but both relentless in our attempts to right wrongs. While Bell's morals are often swayed, he is, as am I, motivated to do the right thing for myself and my community.  But one might say that both Bell and I take on too much than we can possibly handle. Between thefts and murders, Bell stays more than busy as the Sheriff. Between lacrosse, school, band, and robotics, I too can rarely find a moment to breathe. We both value family above all else. Bell is clearly loyal to his wife, she is a part of every major decision and is an important supporting character. My family is the most important part of my life, and while it may not always seem like it, every decision I make is impacted by them. 
If I were being completely honest with myself, if I found 2.4 million dollars I would take it, or at least some of it. I suppose that's where Moss and I find our common ground. Not with our spirituality or our beliefs, but with how we act in moral and dangerous situations. However, unlike Moss, I would get as far away from Texas as possible. So hopefully, while perhaps equally as dishonest as Moss, I'm a little smarter. 
However immoral you may think I am at this point in time, I would never kill anyone. At least I don't think I would. Wow, I'm really not helping my "I swear I'm a good person" campaign. Anyways... Chigurh is relentless. While I wouldn't go to such great lengths as to kill innocents to reach my goal, I am not a "giver-uper". When I make personal goals, I don't stop until I have succeeded. Chigurh also believes that our lives are controlled by fate. I too have similar beliefs, emphasis on the "similar". I think that our lives our mapped out for us, but there are many different maps and our decisions determine which one we take. 
No Country for Old Men surprised me. Usually for a book to really encompass and consume me, there needs to be a major character that I can relate to and see myself as. But I can't relate to Bell, Moss, or Chigurh, so I wonder how it was possible that I found this book so amazing? You go Cormac McCarthy (that was Mean Girls reference, just in case you live under a rock and didn't get it).

• Authenticity, in the existential view, is the extent to which one is true to their beliefs and personality under external pressures. As a child, I always thought that I would face some monster in my future that would cause me to abandon myself and attempt to take on a new personality. But this never happened. I’m sure that I encountered these “monsters” that threatened to steal my identity at some point, but I never wore a mask or pretended to be someone I wasn’t in order to be liked, or popular, or cool. I consider myself very authentic. Perhaps as I live and experience a little more this will change, but I know who I am, and I would never pretend to be someone else. My independence and originality is something I am very proud of. I have fought both internal and external battles in order to become who I am today and I’m not about to give it all up in order to make life easier or impress someone “important”. 
Bad faith, on the other hand, is used to describe the phenomenon (which is such a fun word) where one abandons their beliefs and sense of self in order to comply with external pressures. Perhaps the argument is that we all are a mix of bad faith and authenticity. So in that case, my bad faith roots in (at least right now) in my inability to decide what I want for my future because I care too much about the judgments of others. I struggle decided what college I want to go to because I want to go somewhere that I will be happy, but one part of me needs to go somewhere that other people approve of. I hate this part of me. It’s an internal battle that I am in the process of fighting, and especially difficult one too. 

• For what Park City lacks in diversity and culture, it makes up for in money. Or so outsiders think. We may not have the most vibrant or interesting culture, but our values and traditions go far beyond any amount of money. Family and education are the most important things, then comes religion (for some) and health. From having grown up in Park City, I may not be a cultured explorer but I am active, healthy, and educated. But at times I feel like I am living in a bubble. My parents value traveling, so I have been fortunate enough to see many different cultures and places. But it’s not fulfilling to spend my life in a small town with no diversity and a monotonous culture. I am a rebel in the sense that I want to break away from the patterns, from what feel comfortable. Wish me luck. 

• I haven’t ever been in a situation where so hopeless that the only reasonable solution is to abandon my spiritual beliefs, but I have felt a loss of hope in difficult situations. My lack of living and sheltered life don’t grant me memories and experiences, but I am protected from feelings of hopelessness. While this may work for now, I can’t be sheltered forever.